I'm so embarrassed to tell you guys this...

So, he called Friday night wanting to get to get together and I caved. We talked for about an hour before going to bed, it wasn't mostly good but it was definitely productive. He said that with all his personal problems (I wish I could go into more detail about it, but it's extremely personal and it wouldn't be right to disclose - trust me when I say they're some big problems holding him back) that a relationship just isn't possible right now.

I told him that it was only natural for me to assume he is seeing someone else or wants to be free to see other people at a moments notice. He laughed and said that was nowhere near the case. Honestly, I believe him when he says that. He's the guy that is every girls best friend. Not boyfriend.

He said that the reason he doesn't invite me out every time he's out is he doesn't want to give me the wrong impression or lead me on (which is bullshit) and after he said that I was a little peeved because he has said some pretty serious words that would give me that exact impression. When I called him out on that he said he has realized now that he definitely moved too fast. Then followed up with that he does like me and absolutely has feelings me.

After a long pause, I proposed that we just be friends. He was like, well if that is what you want. I said of course that is not what I want.

We did not kiss or hug. In fact he barely touched me. I understand why (he doesn't want to give me the wrong impression, ::rolling eyes::) but it still stung. A lot.

He asked me out for the next night, saying he wanted to go see Star Trek and asked me to go with him. I said I would love to. He said he had to go to his nieces softball game at one, and I told him that I didn't get off work until 6 anyway so maybe we should go to a nine o'clock movie. He said that sounded good and to call him when I got off.

Fast forward to yesterday at 6:30 pm. I call him. No answer.

7:00 pm I send him a text... "Hey, you still want to go see that movie?"

Nothing.

8:00 pm I send another one... "I guess not..."

Guess what I got back?

NOTHING.

Still nothing today.

I.am.pissed. Honestly, I have never been stood up like that. Ever.

So, that is what I am embarrassed about. I'm embarrassed that I gave him another chance. I'm embarrassed that I have given him so many chances and the benefit of the doubt so many times. It's getting ridiculous. I understand he has issues within himself that he needs to work out, but that does not give him the right to treat me like this. I know I don't deserve this.

Luckily I have been at work since 7 am today (we had a new floorset to do this morning) so my mind has been on work. For now I'm going to keep myself busy.

Keeping busy is exactly what I am going to focus on doing. If I keep myself busy I won't be tempted to call or text him. I haven't sent him any nasty text message or left any voicemails (as much as I want to rip his head off, I know I won't) I'm going to keep my hands clean and just ignore him.

I'm going to ignore every last one of his ridiculous text messages, and I'm going to try hard not to keep my phone beside me at night since he tends to text late at night.

Something tells me that these text messages from him will not end here. So, I have to be strong and ignore them. This was getting out of hand and now it's just plain ridiculous.