Recently Jess over at Classy in Philadelphia posted this quote.
"If he's stupid enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him go."
This line really got me thinking about my own situation. It's not that he's walking away. He's not at all, he's keeping me interested (ironically) with all these mixed signals. Why am I still interested you ask? I guess I'm a glutton for punishment! Who flippin' knows. For some reason I can't just say "sayonara!"
What I think I'm going to do for now is lay low and leave him alone. I don't want to play games with him but it looks like I'm going to have to or give up for good.
I would really like to start dating this other guy that I know likes me because he told a mutual friend of ours that he did, but I think that mutual friend may have told him about my current "relationship" status. ((sigh))
This new guy and I were texting a few weeks ago, only a couple times but both times I was the one that sent the first text and I haven't heard from him since. Which is what makes me think she said something to him.
I know there are a lot of fish in the sea, so why can't I find a fish for right now? Someone to keep my mind off this weird situation that I have gotten myself tangled up in!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Update, bullet style...
♥ Things with the boy are still exactly the same. Very high highs, and medium level lows. I wouldn't call them low lows just yet. I guess the main issue that's bothering me, is the fact that he doesn't seem to want to label us as anything or put a title on what we are. We've had the discussion before as to what we regard each other, and he said he regards me as his girlfriend and that all his friends know about me (I've met a handful of them) he's just scared. I know he's not messing around with other girls, I believe him when he says it's not me and that it's him. He has a lot of issues to work out personally. We went for a couple of drinks for Cinco de Mayo and it was fun, we had a good time but right now I'm feeling like this is something that will never be longterm. Ultimately, I know what I need to do. That is, to decide if I want to stick around and be patient.
♥ Apartment is gooooood! I'm still slowly putting things away. I already miss having a free washer and dryer just down the stairs. I'm at my parents house doing laundry aswe speak I type. I can deal though! :)
♥ I'm a little worried about Libby, but I think she'll be fine. She's been eating a little more than normal but I think that is just out of boredom.
♥ I've been thinking of going to a chiropractor. I've been really achy lately and my health insurance pays for 20 visits a year. Might as well take advantage, right? Have any of you been? Did you like it?
♥ Currently reading The Man of My Dreams by Curtis Sittenfeld. I'm not liking it near as much as American Wife, but it took me a little while to get into that one too. Hopefully it gets better. Next on the list is Prep, I have already checked it out from the library and am excited to start it, I have heard such wonderful things about it.
♥ Am a little irritated that on all my days off, IT RAINS! The likelihood of it raining on my days off are good, as it has been raining here 99.9% of the time. But, still... annoying!!
♥ I'm a little burnt out on work right now. The thought of having to wait until September for vacation is killing me! I need one now!
♥ Not excited that the Steve Madden store in my mall is closing, but super excited that all women's shoes are on sale for $25. Sweeeeet!!!
♥ Still living in the dark ages at home without internet and cable and.... I'm still alive! Ha! I've been having a hard time nailing down a time when they can come out and get it hooked up. Plus, I need to go buy a router for my internet connections. Any tips? Suggestions?
That's all folks!
♥ Apartment is gooooood! I'm still slowly putting things away. I already miss having a free washer and dryer just down the stairs. I'm at my parents house doing laundry as
♥ I'm a little worried about Libby, but I think she'll be fine. She's been eating a little more than normal but I think that is just out of boredom.
♥ I've been thinking of going to a chiropractor. I've been really achy lately and my health insurance pays for 20 visits a year. Might as well take advantage, right? Have any of you been? Did you like it?
♥ Currently reading The Man of My Dreams by Curtis Sittenfeld. I'm not liking it near as much as American Wife, but it took me a little while to get into that one too. Hopefully it gets better. Next on the list is Prep, I have already checked it out from the library and am excited to start it, I have heard such wonderful things about it.
♥ Am a little irritated that on all my days off, IT RAINS! The likelihood of it raining on my days off are good, as it has been raining here 99.9% of the time. But, still... annoying!!
♥ I'm a little burnt out on work right now. The thought of having to wait until September for vacation is killing me! I need one now!
♥ Not excited that the Steve Madden store in my mall is closing, but super excited that all women's shoes are on sale for $25. Sweeeeet!!!
♥ Still living in the dark ages at home without internet and cable and.... I'm still alive! Ha! I've been having a hard time nailing down a time when they can come out and get it hooked up. Plus, I need to go buy a router for my internet connections. Any tips? Suggestions?
That's all folks!
Monday, May 4, 2009
On the roooad agaaain, la la la la, on the road agaaaain!
Well, I'm all moved in and pretty much unpacked! I promised to post pictures, so here they are! :)
Here are the "before" pictures of my room, in my old roommate's house.
My childsize (and overflowing) closet!
Looking into my room.
Looking out into the hallway from my room.
The living room of my new little one bedroom apartment. I slept there on the floor! Haha! :)
Until Libby claimed it as her own...
My cute little kitchen!
Unpacking and putting things away as I go...
The dining room, the table's still with the movers!
My bedroom!
My favorite pictures...
Ahhh, everything's moved. Nap time!!!
Libby loves to sit on the table!
My pink tool kit that I use ALL THE TIME! Love handing a guy a pink hammer when he asks me if I have one... LOL!
I adore having a fireplace!
Looking into the kitchen and down the hall.
Unpacking my bedroom!
Look at that mess!!
All done! Here are the "after" pictures! Most everything is unpacked and put away. I'm enjoying living alone again! I had lived in this apartment complex before so I knew I would love it and it looks almost identical to the unit I had last year. It's not the most extravagant place ever, but it's just perfect for me and Libby! :)
There's still a few more things I need, like a bedskirt for my bed! Ha! My old one ripped. There's also a few things left to unpack. I just haven't built up enough energy to finish it up! I also don't have cable or internet yet. For tv, I have had to use one of those converter boxes and rabbit ears... fun, fun! Not having cable is not going to work out for me...
I hope you all enjoyed seeing my move! I really wish I had taken pictures of the carloads I brought over, each time the car was so packed! It was hilarious! Four trips later and it was all moved over, well minus the furniture! :)
Hope everyone is having a great week!
Here are the "before" pictures of my room, in my old roommate's house.
My childsize (and overflowing) closet!
Looking into my room.
Looking out into the hallway from my room.
The living room of my new little one bedroom apartment. I slept there on the floor! Haha! :)
Until Libby claimed it as her own...
My cute little kitchen!
Unpacking and putting things away as I go...
The dining room, the table's still with the movers!
My bedroom!
My favorite pictures...
Ahhh, everything's moved. Nap time!!!
Libby loves to sit on the table!
My pink tool kit that I use ALL THE TIME! Love handing a guy a pink hammer when he asks me if I have one... LOL!
I adore having a fireplace!
Looking into the kitchen and down the hall.
Unpacking my bedroom!
Look at that mess!!
All done! Here are the "after" pictures! Most everything is unpacked and put away. I'm enjoying living alone again! I had lived in this apartment complex before so I knew I would love it and it looks almost identical to the unit I had last year. It's not the most extravagant place ever, but it's just perfect for me and Libby! :)
There's still a few more things I need, like a bedskirt for my bed! Ha! My old one ripped. There's also a few things left to unpack. I just haven't built up enough energy to finish it up! I also don't have cable or internet yet. For tv, I have had to use one of those converter boxes and rabbit ears... fun, fun! Not having cable is not going to work out for me...
I hope you all enjoyed seeing my move! I really wish I had taken pictures of the carloads I brought over, each time the car was so packed! It was hilarious! Four trips later and it was all moved over, well minus the furniture! :)
Hope everyone is having a great week!
So frustrated....
Ok, I haven't blogged much about this but dammit I need advice! So, here goes.
I met this guy back in February. A mutual friend introduced us via Facebook and we have been talking ever since. We text all the time and sometimes talk on the phone, but it's more text as we both do not enjoy sitting on the phone. Our schedules are really difficult as they conflict, but we try to see each other as much as possible and now that I live in my own place again I think it might be a lot easier for us.
He had a really rough year last year. Him and his girlfriend of two years broke up and he got a DUI at the beginning of the summer. He's currently without a license and it really, really bothers him. It doesn't bother me, I know he's getting his license back and he just made a mistake. Honestly, I deserve a DUI a right now and know that I have just gotten lucky. Nonetheless, it bothers him that he can't drive me around or easily meet me somewhere because he's at the mercy of someone else.
This past weekend we had a GREAT weekend. I felt like we made tons of progress, we talked about our "relationship" and what we were. We even talked about changing our statuses on Facebook -- seems a little silly, huh? I guess that's the world we live in now...
I had known he was scared to get in another relationship and just scared in general, but after the weekend I thought maybe he was past the point where he was too scared to move forward. I might have been wrong. Stupid me had to go open my big mouth last night and ask him how he felt about everything we talked about.
Here's how our conversation went last night (it's all through text). Please don't judge me, I turn into a sarcastic bitch when I'm upset.
Me: Are you ok with everything we talked about last night?
bf: Honesty, it still makes me really nervous
Me: I thought so, just trust me
bf:Honestly, I'm still hurt from my last breakup amber
Ok, I'm cutting in here. He has NEVER mentioned not being over her. I know he didn't say he wasn't but he hasn't said one peep about her or the relationship besides it's over. Except for Saturday night when he said he was nervous because his last breakup was bad and they weren't friends anymore and he didn't want that to happen with us.
Me: I'm sorry, if you don't want to be with me I understand
I don't know why I said that, seriously, I sound pathetic.
bf: I didn't say that, I'm just not sure I'm ready
Me: This contradicts everything you have said to me in the past couple of days. I don't understand why you say things like wanting to meet my parents if you're not sure
bf: Because at times I do. I do like you Amber
Me: I'm trying to be patient but I feel like I can't keep up with how you're feeling
bf: So what are you saying?
Me: Just that I am trying to understand, I want to be with you but not if you're not over someone else
bf: You know I want to tell you I am but I don't even know sometimes
Me: Ok, I'm going to bed, I'll talk to you later
bf: That's it?
Me: I hope not. I hope you're not mad
bf: I'm not acting mad at all. I'm just making it as clear as possible for you Amber
Me: Really? Thanks (insert his name here)
bf: Is that sarcasm?
Me: Yes
bf: Thanks
Me: I'm sorry but you're not being clear, you say all these things and then the next day it's like you take it all back
bf: You know what, things seem a lot simpler when I've been out. I'm sorry. What else do you want me to say?
Me: I'm sorry I brought any of this up. I like you too and don't understand why we're making this so complicated.
bf: I don't know either. I'll just see you around
WTF??
Me: What are you saying? Is that what you really want?
bf: No, but I'm just not giving you what you want
Me: But not seeing you anymore is not at all what I want
bf: Well outside of that I don't know what I can give you
Me: So, what does that mean? Do you still want to date and see where it goes?
bf: Just take it slow still. I'm sorry. It's just I have so much shit
Me: Ok
bf: What are you expecting from me right now Amber?
Ok, I hate when people use my name like that. It feels attacking. Condescending. He's never done that.
Me: I don't know anymore. I'm confused and need to think.
bf: k
Me: Do you expect anything from me?
bf: I don't expect anything from anyone anymore
Me: I'm glad I've impressed you, that hurts
bf: Wow
Me: I'm sorry, I know I'm being a sarcastic bitch right now
bf: No you aren't but you just don't understand
Me: I'm trying
bf: You can't promise me things and I can't either
Me: I know
No, I don't know. I lied. Honestly, I wanted to stop talking. I actually wanted to stop a long time ago but he kept me going.
bf: Ok
This is where I went to bed, but then 30 minutes later he texts again.
bf: Honestly, what are you expecting?
Me: I guess an effort because there's no denying we have feelings for each other and I'm not willing to throw that away. Just an effort to keep doing what we're doing and see where it goes.
bf: Yeah
Me: : Okay
bf: k
bf: anything else?
Me What do you mean?
I was getting really tired and was out of it...
bf: Anything you need to get out there?
Me: Not right now, honestly I'm scared to.
bf: Why?
Me: Because I don't want to get hurt or hurt you
bf:Yeah I know
And that was it folks. I know, right now you're probably thinking "Wtf, why is she even bothering. He clearly doesn't want a relationship with her!"
I guess there's just a lot more to it, that I can't explain.
Any advice is appreciated...
I met this guy back in February. A mutual friend introduced us via Facebook and we have been talking ever since. We text all the time and sometimes talk on the phone, but it's more text as we both do not enjoy sitting on the phone. Our schedules are really difficult as they conflict, but we try to see each other as much as possible and now that I live in my own place again I think it might be a lot easier for us.
He had a really rough year last year. Him and his girlfriend of two years broke up and he got a DUI at the beginning of the summer. He's currently without a license and it really, really bothers him. It doesn't bother me, I know he's getting his license back and he just made a mistake. Honestly, I deserve a DUI a right now and know that I have just gotten lucky. Nonetheless, it bothers him that he can't drive me around or easily meet me somewhere because he's at the mercy of someone else.
This past weekend we had a GREAT weekend. I felt like we made tons of progress, we talked about our "relationship" and what we were. We even talked about changing our statuses on Facebook -- seems a little silly, huh? I guess that's the world we live in now...
I had known he was scared to get in another relationship and just scared in general, but after the weekend I thought maybe he was past the point where he was too scared to move forward. I might have been wrong. Stupid me had to go open my big mouth last night and ask him how he felt about everything we talked about.
Here's how our conversation went last night (it's all through text). Please don't judge me, I turn into a sarcastic bitch when I'm upset.
Me: Are you ok with everything we talked about last night?
bf: Honesty, it still makes me really nervous
Me: I thought so, just trust me
bf:Honestly, I'm still hurt from my last breakup amber
Ok, I'm cutting in here. He has NEVER mentioned not being over her. I know he didn't say he wasn't but he hasn't said one peep about her or the relationship besides it's over. Except for Saturday night when he said he was nervous because his last breakup was bad and they weren't friends anymore and he didn't want that to happen with us.
Me: I'm sorry, if you don't want to be with me I understand
I don't know why I said that, seriously, I sound pathetic.
bf: I didn't say that, I'm just not sure I'm ready
Me: This contradicts everything you have said to me in the past couple of days. I don't understand why you say things like wanting to meet my parents if you're not sure
bf: Because at times I do. I do like you Amber
Me: I'm trying to be patient but I feel like I can't keep up with how you're feeling
bf: So what are you saying?
Me: Just that I am trying to understand, I want to be with you but not if you're not over someone else
bf: You know I want to tell you I am but I don't even know sometimes
Me: Ok, I'm going to bed, I'll talk to you later
bf: That's it?
Me: I hope not. I hope you're not mad
bf: I'm not acting mad at all. I'm just making it as clear as possible for you Amber
Me: Really? Thanks (insert his name here)
bf: Is that sarcasm?
Me: Yes
bf: Thanks
Me: I'm sorry but you're not being clear, you say all these things and then the next day it's like you take it all back
bf: You know what, things seem a lot simpler when I've been out. I'm sorry. What else do you want me to say?
Me: I'm sorry I brought any of this up. I like you too and don't understand why we're making this so complicated.
bf: I don't know either. I'll just see you around
WTF??
Me: What are you saying? Is that what you really want?
bf: No, but I'm just not giving you what you want
Me: But not seeing you anymore is not at all what I want
bf: Well outside of that I don't know what I can give you
Me: So, what does that mean? Do you still want to date and see where it goes?
bf: Just take it slow still. I'm sorry. It's just I have so much shit
Me: Ok
bf: What are you expecting from me right now Amber?
Ok, I hate when people use my name like that. It feels attacking. Condescending. He's never done that.
Me: I don't know anymore. I'm confused and need to think.
bf: k
Me: Do you expect anything from me?
bf: I don't expect anything from anyone anymore
Me: I'm glad I've impressed you, that hurts
bf: Wow
Me: I'm sorry, I know I'm being a sarcastic bitch right now
bf: No you aren't but you just don't understand
Me: I'm trying
bf: You can't promise me things and I can't either
Me: I know
No, I don't know. I lied. Honestly, I wanted to stop talking. I actually wanted to stop a long time ago but he kept me going.
bf: Ok
This is where I went to bed, but then 30 minutes later he texts again.
bf: Honestly, what are you expecting?
Me: I guess an effort because there's no denying we have feelings for each other and I'm not willing to throw that away. Just an effort to keep doing what we're doing and see where it goes.
bf: Yeah
Me: : Okay
bf: k
bf: anything else?
Me What do you mean?
I was getting really tired and was out of it...
bf: Anything you need to get out there?
Me: Not right now, honestly I'm scared to.
bf: Why?
Me: Because I don't want to get hurt or hurt you
bf:Yeah I know
And that was it folks. I know, right now you're probably thinking "Wtf, why is she even bothering. He clearly doesn't want a relationship with her!"
I guess there's just a lot more to it, that I can't explain.
Any advice is appreciated...
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tough week...
This week is really beginning to take a toll on me. Mentally and physically.
I moved Monday and Tuesday, and things honestly couldn't have gone better. I was hoping for a little help from a good friend of mine but he didn't offer and I'm not one to ask for help (I'm too independent for my own good) so I was a little bummed about that but I got TONS done by myself. In fact, I got everything done on Monday that I could possibly do by myself. Then the movers came on Tuesday to do the furniture. My parents have helped me with all my moves, but my dad has had both his knees replaced so the last two times I have moved we have had to hire movers. I couldn't afford more than two hours, so I was determined to get as much done alone to drive down the cost of the movers and I did! It only took them 90 minutes to do it all and it cost only $126! Definitely worth it! :)
I've been taking pictures of my progress and as soon as I'm done I'm going to post my move for you all!!
Things are going great in the new place (besides the fact that I cannot pick up a strong enough (open) signal and I'm internet-less! Argh!) and Libby is doing good. I think she's missing her kitty boyfriend, Maverick but all in all I think she will be fine. I've been trying to pay tons of attention to her, which is actually hard NOT to do because she's on my heels at all times. I think I need to run out and get her some new cat toys this weekend.
Today was stressful because a good friend of mine has some major depression issues and it seems to come in waves. Last week was a good week. This week, not so much. I'm so worried about him and feel so helpless. I want to do more, feel like I need to do more, but know I'm doing everything I can. His issues are rather severe, and he has attempted the unthinkable (I can't even type it or say it) more than once. I'm so scared and just hope I'm doing everything I can. Have any of you dealt with someone close to you that has been diagnosed with some sort of depression? What advice do you have for me?
Hope you're all having a great week. I so appreciate your comments and kind words, they seriously brighten my day!
I moved Monday and Tuesday, and things honestly couldn't have gone better. I was hoping for a little help from a good friend of mine but he didn't offer and I'm not one to ask for help (I'm too independent for my own good) so I was a little bummed about that but I got TONS done by myself. In fact, I got everything done on Monday that I could possibly do by myself. Then the movers came on Tuesday to do the furniture. My parents have helped me with all my moves, but my dad has had both his knees replaced so the last two times I have moved we have had to hire movers. I couldn't afford more than two hours, so I was determined to get as much done alone to drive down the cost of the movers and I did! It only took them 90 minutes to do it all and it cost only $126! Definitely worth it! :)
I've been taking pictures of my progress and as soon as I'm done I'm going to post my move for you all!!
Things are going great in the new place (besides the fact that I cannot pick up a strong enough (open) signal and I'm internet-less! Argh!) and Libby is doing good. I think she's missing her kitty boyfriend, Maverick but all in all I think she will be fine. I've been trying to pay tons of attention to her, which is actually hard NOT to do because she's on my heels at all times. I think I need to run out and get her some new cat toys this weekend.
Today was stressful because a good friend of mine has some major depression issues and it seems to come in waves. Last week was a good week. This week, not so much. I'm so worried about him and feel so helpless. I want to do more, feel like I need to do more, but know I'm doing everything I can. His issues are rather severe, and he has attempted the unthinkable (I can't even type it or say it) more than once. I'm so scared and just hope I'm doing everything I can. Have any of you dealt with someone close to you that has been diagnosed with some sort of depression? What advice do you have for me?
Hope you're all having a great week. I so appreciate your comments and kind words, they seriously brighten my day!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Blog posts and moving...
Today is moving day #1 and I am pretty much done with what I needed to get done! I'm so proud of myself, plus I have been doing it completely by myself! Luckily, the weather has been good to me and even though it has been raining here for the past three days it didn't rain at all until right when I was unloading my last carload crap my stuff!
I totally forgot that I was going to take pictures as I went to chronicle my move for you all! I have a "before" picture of my room, but I really wish I had a picture of each carload. Oh well, I will take pictures the rest of the time. My car pretty much looked like this, FOUR times.
I haven't even began to unpack, so I will have plenty of pictures to share with you all. :) Plus, there's still some stuff at my roommates house. Like, my shoes, pictures on the wall and a couple more boxes. Tomorrow the movers will get the large furniture like my bed/mattress, bookshelves, tv and dresser.
All day I kept coming up with good ideas for blog posts, which is so weird because I have been busy all day! Maybe it's just because I have been moving all this stuff while alone and have had time to think.
So, I was wondering...what do you all do when a good idea hits you at a random time and you want to make sure to remember it? Do you write in a certain spot? Do you carry a notebook around with you? Do you write it down on any random piece of paper?
I have an ongoing note on my blackberry (since I always have my blackberry on me) that I write down all ideas. I also have a notebook that I write ideas down, but usually type them.
Hope you're all having a great day! I'm off to eat some pizza with the fam... I think I deserve it after my "workout" called moving today! I'm already sore!!
Don't forget to wash your hands... I have a bad feeling about this swine flu that started in Mexico.
I totally forgot that I was going to take pictures as I went to chronicle my move for you all! I have a "before" picture of my room, but I really wish I had a picture of each carload. Oh well, I will take pictures the rest of the time. My car pretty much looked like this, FOUR times.
I haven't even began to unpack, so I will have plenty of pictures to share with you all. :) Plus, there's still some stuff at my roommates house. Like, my shoes, pictures on the wall and a couple more boxes. Tomorrow the movers will get the large furniture like my bed/mattress, bookshelves, tv and dresser.
All day I kept coming up with good ideas for blog posts, which is so weird because I have been busy all day! Maybe it's just because I have been moving all this stuff while alone and have had time to think.
So, I was wondering...what do you all do when a good idea hits you at a random time and you want to make sure to remember it? Do you write in a certain spot? Do you carry a notebook around with you? Do you write it down on any random piece of paper?
I have an ongoing note on my blackberry (since I always have my blackberry on me) that I write down all ideas. I also have a notebook that I write ideas down, but usually type them.
Hope you're all having a great day! I'm off to eat some pizza with the fam... I think I deserve it after my "workout" called moving today! I'm already sore!!
Don't forget to wash your hands... I have a bad feeling about this swine flu that started in Mexico.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Gay Pride
There's been a lot of talk about gay marriage since Miss California, Carrie Prejean answered Perez Hilton's question about gay marriage unfavorably this week.
In my home state of Iowa, same sex marriage was recently legalized, becoming the third out of now four states to legalize it Let's just say there has been a lot of heated debates.
Being deep in the Midwest, and gay marriage being such, a well, "coastal" thing, I am very very proud to be an Iowan right now. Although, not everyone feels the way I do. Many strongly disagree with the decision.
To me, love is love. If you love someone you should be able to get married regardless of sex. I am definitely in favor of equal rights for homosexuals.
Does that mean I personally agree with it? No, it doesn't. It means I am a Christian and believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman. Although with that being said, I am a Christian and I am not allowed to judge others.
If two people want to get married, they should be able to. If you disagree, you don't have to be the one to marry them, or attend the ceremony. I don't see how this affects anybody else. Some say it is a threat to the institution of marriage, marriage is meant for procreation, it is not a good environment to raise children in, or it is immoral.
To all this, I say, rubbish!
Honestly, I think people are just not comfortable with it. I'll admit, I still get a little squeamish if I see a same sex couple kissing. But, their love and devotion for each other is definitely not something to get squeamish about. It's something to be admired and something to someday hope for in our own lives.
Bottom line, my personal opinion is that same sex marriage is not right but I am much more in favor of equal rights for all. And, that includes homosexual couples.
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