More late night text messages....

And when I say late, i mean laaate!

Here's what happened last night:

1:46 am Him: Fuck. Another set of flip flops.

This isn't weird to me, it's him trying to start a conversation. I went back to sleep without replying.

3:03 am Him: Guess we aren't talking
3:44 am Me: You're the one blowing me off, so not sure why you're confused.
3:51 am Him: I'm not blowing you off
3:52 am Me: Yeah, not between 12 and 4am
3:53 am Him: Whatever
3:59 am Him: I'm out
4:05 am Me: It's probably for the best. I'm not some "booty call" and it's pretty clear you don't want me around.
4:06 am Him: I never treated you like that
4:08 am Me: Only texting at bar close (esp on weekends) is exaaactly what that is. You may not mean it (and I don't think you do) but that is how it feels
4:10 am Him: Well do what you have to do. It's not like I come in stripping. I walk in with the intentions of trying to hang out with you
4:15 am Me: I know that, but you make these "maybe" plans with me then blow me off til after the bar is closed. Feels like you don't want me around. I can take a hint.

That was it. I'm not really one to beat around the bush. I wouldn't say I'm afraid of confrontation, if something is bothering me I usually just come right out with it. What I feel the worst about is, this is his birthday week and we got into a tiff like this? I feel really bad.

Now, I wonder if I will ever hear from again. I kind of think I will. It's not like the late night texts really bother me, and I honestly believe him when he says he doesn't think of them as booty calls. He can't sleep at night, so he usually texts me and we stay up talking. That isn't at all what is bothering me, I'm bothered by the fact that he doesn't invite me out. What happened Wednesday night for his birthday? I know he was out at the bars. This isn't the first time it's happened either. What I want to know is WHY he doesn't want me out with him too. If he really liked me, he would want me around, right? Makes me think he's seeing another girl or he doesn't want me there so he can flirt with other girls! I just don't get it.

Anyway, that's the latest. I'll keep you all posted.

What have I been missing out on?

So, I'm sure you're all wondering if anything happened, right?

That would be a big fat NO.

Apparently, I wasn't invited out last night to help celebrate his birthday, which is fine. What I did get though was a text at 1:05 (am) asking what I was doing.

If that's not a booty call, I don't know what is. I replied back and told him I was going to bed. He then texted back and said he would catch me later. Umm, yeah. Maybe not.

Honestly, I did not see this going in that direction. I'm not a big fan of having "friends with benefits," I am a fan of "benefits" but more along the lines of a "relationship with benefits." Ya know??

I have been so patient, and I think that is what is biting me in the ass right now. Maybe someday he will realize what he could have had with a little respect towards me.

The other day a friend of mine was talking about how when she met her husband she was seeing a different guy. She knew that things would never be long term with the current guy, but thought there was a strong chance with the new guy. I actually remember when all this was happening and she was trying to decide between the two guys. She hated to let the first guy go because she really did care about him, but had to try things out with her now husband.

She made a really good point. What if she had stuck things out with the first guy? She would have missed out on so much! It got me thinking. How much have I missed out on dating guys that I know aren't "the right ones"? (I'm not going to say "the one" because I don't believe in that, but that is a post for another day) or even guys that I know won't commit but I keep trying to make them commit? We all know guys will do what they want to do one way or another. Why are girls so determined to make something work that is so obviously not going to?

I'm beating a dead horse here, and I know it. I know I didn't fail, but sometimes that is what it feels like and nobody likes to feel like a failure. I know I didn't do anything wrong, if anything I did borderline too much. I was too accommodating, too patient and waaay too nice.

Bottom line, the bitch switch in me has been flipped on and I'm kinda pissed. It's not full on pissed yet because I think I'm still in that "hurt" phase, but the more I think about it the more and more ticked off I get.

All I know is that, if I'm missing out on something right now, I won't be anymore!!

Time for a change?

Many of you have switched over to Wordpress recently and it's something I have been giving a lot of thought to as well.

As most of you know, I made my blog available to some of my IRL friends and even posted it on my Facebook page but quickly took it down out of paranoia. Well, now I feel like I can't say all I want to say or talk about things that are going on in my life in fear of who might be reading. I do use sitemeter and can sort of figure out if anyone I actually know in person is reading, but I can't be 100% sure. I'm basically regretting it 100%, it's something I can't take back and has been bothering me for some time now.

I want my blog to be just for me and YOU GUYS. I love your unbiased opinions and your unconditional support. Seriously, love it. Quitting this blog literally gets me choked up every time I think about it because it's become a big part of my daily life. That may be dorky to my IRL friends, but I don't care. Call me a dork! :)

I guess what I want to know is, for those of you that have made the switch from Blogger to Wordpress, how did it go? Is it time consuming? Can I upload my posts from Blogger to Wordpress? Do you like it better?

All I know is I need to do something because these paranoid feelings aren't going anywhere and I really hate it. Hate it to the point where I almost delete TONS of posts because I'm afraid of hurting someone.

The thing is I don't want to delete them because that would mean deleting all your wonderful comments as well and I go back and look at them when I'm needing encouragement, which lately, is a lot.

Hooked up!

No! Not that kind of hooked up! Get your minds out of the gutters... wink, wink! ;)

I'm back and connected to the internet and set up with cable. As I was going through the guide and all the On Demand movies available my first thought was "how the heck did I think I could live without this? Yeaaaah, right!" LOL!

As I was trying to make my wireless connection password protected I blocked myself from it too! Oops! So, for now it's not a secure network, but I will go back to it later and figure out how to make it protected without blocking myself.

Currently, I'm getting caught up on blogs. Oy...there are almost 300 posts to read... I promise, I WILL get to them all. Eventually. I'm also watching Jon and Kate + 8. Now, I have only watched this show a couple of times and every time I watch it I dislike Kate more and more... I guess I shouldn't judge. I might be the same way if I had 8 kids that young!

Bday dilemma continued...

Ok, so I decided since tomorrow is his birthday I would send him an early "happy birthday" text. Keep in mind that I have not spoke to him since Saturday night and he did not reply to my text during the day on Sunday.

So today I sent him a text that said "happy early birthday, hope you have a good one." Then two minutes later he texted back "well thank you."

He didn't pursue any further conversation and neither did I. I know I'm analyzing here (big time) but my fear is if I don't get him something and he really does like me he's going to be hurt. Or if I don't make contact with him tomorrow he will be hurt.

You know what? I just read what I just wrote, and I need to put myself first. He's been blowing me off for the past month! If this "relationship" continues, this cycle will never end. I'm a firm believer that people don't change. Is that what I want? No. Is that what I deserve? No. Can I do better? Absolutely!

I'm not saying that he isn't good, I know he's a good person. It's just, like most situations, the timing is not quite right and I need to stop trying to make it work.

Gettin' hooked back up!

I'm returning from the Dark Ages tomorrow and finally getting my cable and internet hooked up! I have gone two weeks and two days without it. Whew! For all media addicted chicks like me, that is a lifetime! Thank goodness we live in a time where there is free wi-fi everywhere (too bad I can't pick up on of those free signals from my apartment!).

I was going to try and go without cable for awhile, so for the past two weeks I have been using one of those converter boxes and rabbit ears. Let's just say, it sucks. The picture is a little better, I will admit that, but it doesn't come in very consistently. It will go out right at the most annoying moments. Like when the younger version of Lily on Gossip Girl is trying to decide if she wants to get tangled up in a fight between her new crush or follow her sister! That is just unacceptable.

Sooo, tomorrow I'm getting plugged back in! I am doing without one little luxury though (well, not so little) and that is DVR. Now, it's not that I can't afford it, I absolutely can. It's just with all the major networks showing most episodes online or the existence of websites like hulu it just seems pointless to have it anymore! Now, I know I will miss features like being able to pause, rewind or fast forward but I think I will live.

What do you guys think? I'm sure most of you have cable, but do you have DVR too? What do you spend more time doing, watching tv or time on the internet?

Birthday dilemma...

Ok, I know ya'll are probably sooo sick of this subject but I need more help.

The boy's birthday is Wednesday. Do I get him something?

Keep in mind we have had several talks about us being in a "relationship" and have acknowledged that, yes we are, but he wants to continue to go slow. I haven't talked to him since Saturday night, which isn't too unusual, but kind of is? Can't really explain why. We seem to go through spurts where we'll talk a lot, then a couple of days we don't talk at all.

What do I do? What would you do?