If my pets could talk...

Dear Amber,

If you could stop that filthy mongrel from eating my food, I would really appreciate it. Maybe you should feed him more food. He is obviously starving. Also, I understand you don't like it when I climb on the very tip top of your furniture and appliances (I love the top of the fridge!) but I have to escape that beast somehow, right? I mean, he is so persistent and is trying to be friends with me but, uh uhhhh, it's not happenin' sister! This pretty kitty does not socialize with dirty dogs.

Also, that guy that's been hanging around lately? I know he doesn't like me and you can let him know the feeling is mutual.

That's all.

Adoringly,

Libby

PS: That electric blanket gets a paw up from me. This winter is brutal!

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Dear Amber,

Thank you so much for taking me in, this home is a million times better than my last one. I don't know why they didn't like me, maybe it's because I eat a lot? Speaking of food, why can't we go to that one house with the nice older lady more often? She feeds me lot of treats and I like it. I especially like the Pupperoni, do you think you could pick those up the next time you're at the store? Also, speaking of food (it's all I think about) could you mix more of that canned food with my boring dried food? It makes it taste so much better. I promise I won't vomit all of your house again if you do. Speaking of vomit, remember yesterday when I threw up in the living room? I was in the kitty litter again. I am sorry.

I really wish that pretty white kitty would play with me. I mean, she keeps waving her paws at me and it seems like she's whistling at me. Is she playing some messed game of Hard To Get? I don't want that... ewwww, she's a CAT! I just want someone to play with when you're not home.

Lots of dog kisses,

Zeke

Oh, and don't forget the Pupperonis.

What would your pets say if they could talk?