Sunday, May 31, 2009

I only ate once today...

So that I could eat this...

and two baskets... yes, two baskets of this...

and one of these...


Yes. It was one of THOSE weekends and I deserved to pig out. I am aware that only eating once a day is not good for me and no, this is not something I regularly do. So, don't worry! Tomorrow it's back on the diet bandwagon and the day I start... drumroll please...

That was the best "cheat meal" ever!

It is now 5 hours after the gluttony I displayed at dinner and I don't feel so good. Plus, I can't sleep. Yikes...

Friday, May 29, 2009

Look, Ma! I reviewed a book!

Check out my book review over at Book Me In! :)

Happy Friday blog friends!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

A Secret Admirer?

Tonight at work someone sent my staff and I a Frosty from Wendy's! I have no idea who it came from or why, but it was really sweet! (Literally and figuratively.)

Now it's really bugging me, I want to know who it was specifically for and who sent it!

You're probably wondering how the Frosties got there, huh? Well, the Wendy's in the mall I work in delivers for free to mall employees. So whoever it was is most likely a mall employee and they paid for the delicious Frosties over the phone.

Perhaps it's a secret admirer of me or someone on my staff? I was working with two other girls tonight, but whoever it was only sent two Frosties which is a little strange. Maybe it was just a mistake, but how could that be a mistake?

Hmm... either way it was very sweet and refreshing! I wish I knew who you were so I could return the favor and send their store a yummy ice cream treat! :)

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Pay it forward contest!

Nikki over at Type A Negative did this really cute contest called Pay It Forward, which Lesli and I won! Thank you so much Nikki!

To keep this lovely giveaway going I am hosting my own Pay It Forward contest!

Go ahead and leave me a comment by Monday, June 1st and I will enter you in my drawing for some really cute SUMMER goodies! Leave a comment AND follow my blog and I will enter your name twice! :) Names will be drawn Tuesday!
Have fun!

**UPDATE** For that extra entry you may follow me OR add me to your blogroll! :)

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Bump, bump, bump it up!

I'm always captivated by informercials. It could be something that I would have no use for, but I still have to sit and watch. There's one that I have been wanting for awhile now and that would be.... the Bump It.

Every time I see a commercial for these things, or see someone with that perfect "bump" I fight the urge to run to my purse, grab my credit card and order one!

Oy, I'm such a sucker. First the Snuggie, now the Bump It?

(All photos courtesy of

My hair is thin (but according to every stylist that has ever done my hair, there's a lot of it) and pretty straight. I usually wear it long, much to my current stylists dismay. She thinks due to it's lack of thickness it should be shorter, but every time I cut it short I absolutely hate it. Long hair is like a security blanket to me, I can't part with it!

I've tried everything to pump it up, from volumizing shampoo, teasing at the crown, to blow drying upside down. If it creates volume, I've tried it! Except for this handy little tool...

Have any of you bought one? Or know someone that has one? My friends I got to talking to about it at the bar last night and one friend said she had someone come up to her one day and ask if she had a Bump It in. She had no idea what it was! Now, I definitely don't want that! How embarrassing!

I'm still thinking about this purchase, most of my infomercial purchases end up in the corner of the room or taken over by Libby (see: Snuggie) so who knows, maybe this thing will end up a cat toy if it doesn't work out.

Isn't "bump" a funny word after saying it so many times? Or is that any word?

Monday, May 25, 2009

Run, Amber, Ruuuuuuuun!!

On Sunday I started running. I am writing this post in hopes that you guys will hold me accountable because during the last 5 minutes of my 20 minute "run" I was thinking to myself, "How am I going to be able to do this?" It didn't help that the last 5 minutes was slightly uphill (I say slightly because I'm in Iowa and it's more like a slight incline...) and it made it seem SO much harder.

I know this is common and it's not easy to start with and it only gets easier but that was tough! I was completely out of breath. It was awful!

This is the schedule I'm following for Week 1:

5 minute walk to warm up
60 second job
90 second walk
Repeat for 20 minutes
5 minute walk to cool down

My plan is to do this every other day for the first week. The rest of the schedule can be found here. It's nine weeks and it slowly works your way up to running three miles. I love the title of the beginners plan! Ha! I'm not a couch potato though, I swear! (Ok, maybe sometimes. Aren't we all? No? Ok.)

I don't really have a goal. My main motivation for running is to drop some weight and get in better shape.

Wait! I just remembered!

I do have a goal!

Today I tried on a pair of jeans at the store I work at, and they were a size 16 1/2 in KIDS sizes! I was able to button them (did they look good? No.) and I was so excited, I mean, these are kids sizes! Ha! My goal is to fit into them comfortably because tons of them are SO cute, cheap and they don't all look like kids clothes. Many of them are simple, or they're distressed in certain spots. Basically, they're adorable. I've been putting off trying anything on in there because I didn't want to be depressed if I couldn't fit into the children's clothes (lol) but I bought a pair of them for one of the girls on my management team who's birthday is tomorrow. Her and I happen to be (almost) the same size, she's about a size or two smaller. It was nice to be able to try the jeans on in the comforts of my own home and not have to risk the embarrassment of having them not fit in front of my staff. I really didn't think I would be able to pull them up past my thigh! Boy, was I surprised!

Today is a resting day (ha! day two...) and I plan on getting up at 7am to run for 20 minutes tomorrow. We'll see if that happens, I'm so not a morning person. Wish me luck! :)

I hope everyone is enjoying their day off! I'm off to a BBQ with the fam for some sun, fun and yummy food!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

This is where I rant about working retail...

I have worked in customer service since I was 14 years old, with the exception of one year (2007) when I worked in an office (at a college actually) and did very little customer service. I don't think there are many jobs out there that don't involve some sort of customer service, right? Well, I have been in the retail end of it for awhile now. I started in retail management after receiving my Bachelors in Fashion Merchandising and figured out that I would have to move very far from home if I wanted to do anything with my degree that wasn't some sort of retail.

While I was in school my friends and I always said we would never be the ones working at the mall. Well, here I am and you know what? I love it. Absolutely love it. Most days.

I love managing a team, I love teaching people new things, and I love helping customers (mainly children) find the perfect pieces for their wardrobes! I also love numbers and I love analyzing my sales. I can stare at the sales results for hours to figure out what we need to do, to be better.

Some people would say I'm not using my $40,000 education, but I beg to differ. If I hadn't gone to school I wouldn't completely understand how to read a profit and loss statement or know what open to buy means or understand mark up cost and mark down cost. I definitely wouldn't feel as confident about my decision making as I do today.

There are definitely days where I want to scream though. Like today. For the most part people are very friendly and respectable, but there are definitely those people that make it obvious they think they're better. I usually let it roll off my back and it doesn't bother me, but sometimes it really gets to me. They can think all they want that I am just a high school graduate (or not even!) and that I make very little money. Neither is true. I am well educated and make great money with the potential to make more if my sales are good. Sure my hours aren't attractive, but I can say I have tried both a Mon-Fri job and a "crazy hours" job and I actually prefer what I have now. I love having random days off during the week because I'm able to get so much more done without the crowds! If I go to Target on a Saturday, I'm basically in shock at how busy it is just because I never go on those days!

I'm not knocking Monday - Friday office jobs, it just wasn't for me.

This weekend was kind of blah for customers though. It's weird, they seem to come in waves. We will have a day of amazing, friendly customers then we will have a day of rude customers one after another. Annnd, there are those days when people walk right by without a word after you have said hi, or speak to you without even looking at you. Those people are the ones that I want to slap and be like, "who raised you?" Get some manners! It's just disrespectful and rude!

I don't understand why people think being bitchy is going to help them get what they want. I'm more likely to offer a discount to someone that is friendly and understanding verses the one that is awful to my associates. I'm pretty relaxed with the discounts too, I know people have choices and I appreciate their business. Unless they are rude, if they are rude or make my associates cry (it's happened) I will not hesitate to ask them to leave and not come back. How can someone feel good about themselves after making a 16 or 17 year old girl feel about two feet tall and make them cry? Seriously? Are you that low? I just don't understand.

At the end of the day, I love my job. I love what I do and I know I have a career ahead of me that will span out further than this with the same company. I'm happy where I'm at now, and hope to continue doing this for several years. There's just those days where sometimes I want to vent! So, thanks for listening reading! And, remember, if you come across someone the next time you're shopping, a simple "Hi, how are you?" is so delightful to the people working. Trust me, you'll be one of the few that ask!

Oh yeah, one more thing. Never use the pole yourself to get something down that is too high to reach, and don't call it a stick either. Sticks are found outside, not in a cute children's shop.

How many of you deal with customers on a daily basis? Have you ever worked retail? What were your pet peeves?

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Pedicure mishap...

Reading this post over at Oh! How Lovely reminded me that I forgot to tell you all what I did yesterday!

I was giving myself a pedicure, and not just changing the polish. A full spa pedicure with soaking my feet in the tub, foot scraper, special foot lotion and cuticle clipper, you know, the works! Well I was using the foot scraper and cut two large gashes out of the bottom of my foot!! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Now I'm bleeding everywhere, hopping around on one foot and Libby's looking at me like I've gone crazy.

It. hurt. like. hell.

I had a hard time walking all day yesterday and couldn't keep a band aid on it. Have you ever tried to keep a band aid on the bottom of your foot while wearing sandals? Practically impossible.

This must be why they tell you not to use those foot scrapers! I never listen, I just wanted those rough spots gone! I think I learned my lesson though... I'm afraid of those things now!

Do you guys use them? Have you had a DIY mishap like this? Have you had a mishap at the salon?

Let's shred it!

So, I have given in to all the hype on the blogosphere and ordered Jillian Michael's 30 day Shred!

I have really slacked since last FALL on my activity level. I don't work in an office and am therefore moving most of the day, but when I get home I'm exhausted and the last thing I want to do is work out. I wouldn't call my job strenuous by any means, but I am on my feet all day. I don't think I need to lose a ton of weight, but I know I am borderline unhealthy and I want to take care of it!

I have to see for myself just how tough this is and if it really does get results! Many of you have done this, or are currently in the middle of it. What do you think? Have you seen results already? If you have finished, what do you think?

One more question. Did you need to purchase any equipment for the video? Hand weights? Anything like that? I just want to be prepared! :)

I hope it gets here soon, I'm excited to get started!!!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


My mom just texted and wants to go to lunch...

She was a little ticked at me yesterday, so now I'm concerned what her ulterior motive is. She always has one...

Morning routine...

This is me in the morning...

Alarm goes off...
Hit snooze.
Alarm goes off...
Hit snooze.
Alarm goes off...
Hit snooze.
Alarm goes off...

Realize it's 30 minutes ago my alarm first went off.

Stumble out of bed.

Poor cup of coffee.

Try and decide if I have enough time to check email/google reader/facebook/twitter/whatever.

Feed Libby (because she's meowing like she's been starving for days).

Refill coffee.

Turn on radio, and hop in shower.

Try and decide if I have enough time to check email/google reader/facebook/twitter/whatever. Again.

Pick out what I'm going to wear (this will make or break if I am on time to work or not).

Get dressed.

Blow dry hair.

Do makeup.

Check Blackberry.

Make lunch and fill travel mug with coffee.

Head to work...

My addiction to the internet is ridiculous. Seriously! I want to check everything about 50 times before I leave for the day! I think it's getting out of control!

Is anyone else as addicted as I am? How many times a day do you check all your favorite sites? Do you feel like you're forgetting something on days when you can't get to it? Am I the only one?!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Check this out...

So about an hour or so ago this was the text I got from the boy:

"Sorry about the other night. I was asleep. I figured you would be pretty upset."

Yes, I ignored it.

Then, an hour after that:

"Ok. Guess I deserve this."

Yes you do, jerk. Also, he's lying. When I called him Saturday night AT 6:30 pm he was on Facebook. Sleeping? Yeah right.

If it's one thing I hate, it's being lied to. I'm an extremely patient person (obviously) but don't f'ing lie to me. I have a pretty thick skin and can take the truth.

No, I haven't responded.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Just another maaaaaanic Mondaaaaay!

Today was one craaaazy day. I am definitely a "Monday hater" and today was no different.

I felt a little off today because I usually open on Mondays and today I closed. Which sucks because I have missed Gossip Girl, DWTS and THE BACHELORETTE!!! Gasp!! I will have to watch them online! ;)

Mondays are the days I have to do my audits, write the schedule, do the ordering...etc, etc, etc. On top of everything else we have SIX open management positions within my market (there are three stores) and that is A LOT! My boss is about to go nuts because she's about to go on maternity leave (she's due June 7th) and it's her first time being away from the company for a significant amount of time in ten years. OMG, SIX positions, it's not good.

My store has one position open. So, I'm definitely not hurting as bad.

I've been doing a lot of recruiting and networking in my mall and it seems like everyone is looking for the same position to fill. Big sigh...

A few days ago I posted an ad on Craigslist about the position and did not list the name of the store or the store's phone number, just mine. Well, I guess we're not allowed to do that. I don't really understand why, I mean that is just silly! But... I got two interviews set up tomorrow with possible candidates so hopefully it did me a little good!

Then tonight as we're getting ready to leave the alarm starts going on off and won't stop. It was the sensor alarm at the front door and started going off before we had even gotten to the door. No idea why... for the next 20 minutes we tried to figure out what was going on. No luck. Finally I had to switch the breaker for it so it would stop going off!

So... that was my day. Pretty crazy! Keep your fingers crossed that tomorrow goes smoother! :) I'm planning to start running again and hoping to get up and out there tomorrow morning. I have a new strategy to get me through it... I'm going to put an audio book on my iPod and listen to is while I run! I mean, audiobooks get me through long car rides, so why wouldn't it get me through a nice long run too?! LOL! I will let you know if it actually works...

Hope your weeks started off better than mine!

On what IS making me happy...

OK, so this blog has taken a turn for the worse lately. It should be titled "Dating is Hell!"

All of your comments and words of encouragement are so thoughtful and sweet. Honestly, I'm turning to this blog before anyone else because, well... everyone else is probably pretty sick of me! I'm a flippin' broken record! I keep saying I'm going to do one thing and then I do another. I hate girls like that, and I just became one.

Anyway, instead of another post ranting and raving about my nightmarish love life I thought I would do a post on the things in my life that are making me happy and that I am grateful! (complete with ♥ bullets! Just for you Amber!)

♥ Work has me pretty excited right now! I love my two fabulous assistants, they are amazing and I cannot believe my wonderful luck in finding two people that compliment each other so well.

♥ My apartment. All alone. I just love coming home from work and being by myself! After awhile I do get bored (I really am a people person! Really!) but that's when I hit someone up and find out what's going on! :)

♥ The cutest housewarming card and gift from Lesli! So sweet and thoughtful! Still trying to decide what to do with the giftcard... ;)

♥ Aerie, the underwear store by American Eagle. They are our neighbors and honestly, I hadn't shopped in there because the first time I went in and saw the cutest pj pants for $39.99 I promptly walked back out. Lately, I've been finding the best deals in there on clearance and I just love how they give you a free gift once a month on Thursdays! I love free. :)

♥Holiday weekends! No, I don't have it off (yeah, right) but I have Monday and Tuesday off! Monday my family is having a BBQ and then Tuesday I'm going up to Minneapolis to meet Lesli for the Jen Lancaster book signing!

♥ A weekend at the lake with my friends in July! Can't wait! Any weekend that involves boats, water, beer and bathing suits is an A+ weekend in my book!

I think that about covers it... Obviously, there are tons more that make me happy and I realize I am very blessed. All these dating disasters are just helping me realize what I want and what I don't want!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

I'm so embarrassed to tell you guys this...

So, he called Friday night wanting to get to get together and I caved. We talked for about an hour before going to bed, it wasn't mostly good but it was definitely productive. He said that with all his personal problems (I wish I could go into more detail about it, but it's extremely personal and it wouldn't be right to disclose - trust me when I say they're some big problems holding him back) that a relationship just isn't possible right now.

I told him that it was only natural for me to assume he is seeing someone else or wants to be free to see other people at a moments notice. He laughed and said that was nowhere near the case. Honestly, I believe him when he says that. He's the guy that is every girls best friend. Not boyfriend.

He said that the reason he doesn't invite me out every time he's out is he doesn't want to give me the wrong impression or lead me on (which is bullshit) and after he said that I was a little peeved because he has said some pretty serious words that would give me that exact impression. When I called him out on that he said he has realized now that he definitely moved too fast. Then followed up with that he does like me and absolutely has feelings me.

After a long pause, I proposed that we just be friends. He was like, well if that is what you want. I said of course that is not what I want.

We did not kiss or hug. In fact he barely touched me. I understand why (he doesn't want to give me the wrong impression, ::rolling eyes::) but it still stung. A lot.

He asked me out for the next night, saying he wanted to go see Star Trek and asked me to go with him. I said I would love to. He said he had to go to his nieces softball game at one, and I told him that I didn't get off work until 6 anyway so maybe we should go to a nine o'clock movie. He said that sounded good and to call him when I got off.

Fast forward to yesterday at 6:30 pm. I call him. No answer.

7:00 pm I send him a text... "Hey, you still want to go see that movie?"


8:00 pm I send another one... "I guess not..."

Guess what I got back?


Still nothing today. Honestly, I have never been stood up like that. Ever.

So, that is what I am embarrassed about. I'm embarrassed that I gave him another chance. I'm embarrassed that I have given him so many chances and the benefit of the doubt so many times. It's getting ridiculous. I understand he has issues within himself that he needs to work out, but that does not give him the right to treat me like this. I know I don't deserve this.

Luckily I have been at work since 7 am today (we had a new floorset to do this morning) so my mind has been on work. For now I'm going to keep myself busy.

Keeping busy is exactly what I am going to focus on doing. If I keep myself busy I won't be tempted to call or text him. I haven't sent him any nasty text message or left any voicemails (as much as I want to rip his head off, I know I won't) I'm going to keep my hands clean and just ignore him.

I'm going to ignore every last one of his ridiculous text messages, and I'm going to try hard not to keep my phone beside me at night since he tends to text late at night.

Something tells me that these text messages from him will not end here. So, I have to be strong and ignore them. This was getting out of hand and now it's just plain ridiculous.

Friday, May 15, 2009

More late night text messages....

And when I say late, i mean laaate!

Here's what happened last night:

1:46 am Him: Fuck. Another set of flip flops.

This isn't weird to me, it's him trying to start a conversation. I went back to sleep without replying.

3:03 am Him: Guess we aren't talking
3:44 am Me: You're the one blowing me off, so not sure why you're confused.
3:51 am Him: I'm not blowing you off
3:52 am Me: Yeah, not between 12 and 4am
3:53 am Him: Whatever
3:59 am Him: I'm out
4:05 am Me: It's probably for the best. I'm not some "booty call" and it's pretty clear you don't want me around.
4:06 am Him: I never treated you like that
4:08 am Me: Only texting at bar close (esp on weekends) is exaaactly what that is. You may not mean it (and I don't think you do) but that is how it feels
4:10 am Him: Well do what you have to do. It's not like I come in stripping. I walk in with the intentions of trying to hang out with you
4:15 am Me: I know that, but you make these "maybe" plans with me then blow me off til after the bar is closed. Feels like you don't want me around. I can take a hint.

That was it. I'm not really one to beat around the bush. I wouldn't say I'm afraid of confrontation, if something is bothering me I usually just come right out with it. What I feel the worst about is, this is his birthday week and we got into a tiff like this? I feel really bad.

Now, I wonder if I will ever hear from again. I kind of think I will. It's not like the late night texts really bother me, and I honestly believe him when he says he doesn't think of them as booty calls. He can't sleep at night, so he usually texts me and we stay up talking. That isn't at all what is bothering me, I'm bothered by the fact that he doesn't invite me out. What happened Wednesday night for his birthday? I know he was out at the bars. This isn't the first time it's happened either. What I want to know is WHY he doesn't want me out with him too. If he really liked me, he would want me around, right? Makes me think he's seeing another girl or he doesn't want me there so he can flirt with other girls! I just don't get it.

Anyway, that's the latest. I'll keep you all posted.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

What have I been missing out on?

So, I'm sure you're all wondering if anything happened, right?

That would be a big fat NO.

Apparently, I wasn't invited out last night to help celebrate his birthday, which is fine. What I did get though was a text at 1:05 (am) asking what I was doing.

If that's not a booty call, I don't know what is. I replied back and told him I was going to bed. He then texted back and said he would catch me later. Umm, yeah. Maybe not.

Honestly, I did not see this going in that direction. I'm not a big fan of having "friends with benefits," I am a fan of "benefits" but more along the lines of a "relationship with benefits." Ya know??

I have been so patient, and I think that is what is biting me in the ass right now. Maybe someday he will realize what he could have had with a little respect towards me.

The other day a friend of mine was talking about how when she met her husband she was seeing a different guy. She knew that things would never be long term with the current guy, but thought there was a strong chance with the new guy. I actually remember when all this was happening and she was trying to decide between the two guys. She hated to let the first guy go because she really did care about him, but had to try things out with her now husband.

She made a really good point. What if she had stuck things out with the first guy? She would have missed out on so much! It got me thinking. How much have I missed out on dating guys that I know aren't "the right ones"? (I'm not going to say "the one" because I don't believe in that, but that is a post for another day) or even guys that I know won't commit but I keep trying to make them commit? We all know guys will do what they want to do one way or another. Why are girls so determined to make something work that is so obviously not going to?

I'm beating a dead horse here, and I know it. I know I didn't fail, but sometimes that is what it feels like and nobody likes to feel like a failure. I know I didn't do anything wrong, if anything I did borderline too much. I was too accommodating, too patient and waaay too nice.

Bottom line, the bitch switch in me has been flipped on and I'm kinda pissed. It's not full on pissed yet because I think I'm still in that "hurt" phase, but the more I think about it the more and more ticked off I get.

All I know is that, if I'm missing out on something right now, I won't be anymore!!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Time for a change?

Many of you have switched over to Wordpress recently and it's something I have been giving a lot of thought to as well.

As most of you know, I made my blog available to some of my IRL friends and even posted it on my Facebook page but quickly took it down out of paranoia. Well, now I feel like I can't say all I want to say or talk about things that are going on in my life in fear of who might be reading. I do use sitemeter and can sort of figure out if anyone I actually know in person is reading, but I can't be 100% sure. I'm basically regretting it 100%, it's something I can't take back and has been bothering me for some time now.

I want my blog to be just for me and YOU GUYS. I love your unbiased opinions and your unconditional support. Seriously, love it. Quitting this blog literally gets me choked up every time I think about it because it's become a big part of my daily life. That may be dorky to my IRL friends, but I don't care. Call me a dork! :)

I guess what I want to know is, for those of you that have made the switch from Blogger to Wordpress, how did it go? Is it time consuming? Can I upload my posts from Blogger to Wordpress? Do you like it better?

All I know is I need to do something because these paranoid feelings aren't going anywhere and I really hate it. Hate it to the point where I almost delete TONS of posts because I'm afraid of hurting someone.

The thing is I don't want to delete them because that would mean deleting all your wonderful comments as well and I go back and look at them when I'm needing encouragement, which lately, is a lot.

Hooked up!

No! Not that kind of hooked up! Get your minds out of the gutters... wink, wink! ;)

I'm back and connected to the internet and set up with cable. As I was going through the guide and all the On Demand movies available my first thought was "how the heck did I think I could live without this? Yeaaaah, right!" LOL!

As I was trying to make my wireless connection password protected I blocked myself from it too! Oops! So, for now it's not a secure network, but I will go back to it later and figure out how to make it protected without blocking myself.

Currently, I'm getting caught up on blogs. Oy...there are almost 300 posts to read... I promise, I WILL get to them all. Eventually. I'm also watching Jon and Kate + 8. Now, I have only watched this show a couple of times and every time I watch it I dislike Kate more and more... I guess I shouldn't judge. I might be the same way if I had 8 kids that young!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Bday dilemma continued...

Ok, so I decided since tomorrow is his birthday I would send him an early "happy birthday" text. Keep in mind that I have not spoke to him since Saturday night and he did not reply to my text during the day on Sunday.

So today I sent him a text that said "happy early birthday, hope you have a good one." Then two minutes later he texted back "well thank you."

He didn't pursue any further conversation and neither did I. I know I'm analyzing here (big time) but my fear is if I don't get him something and he really does like me he's going to be hurt. Or if I don't make contact with him tomorrow he will be hurt.

You know what? I just read what I just wrote, and I need to put myself first. He's been blowing me off for the past month! If this "relationship" continues, this cycle will never end. I'm a firm believer that people don't change. Is that what I want? No. Is that what I deserve? No. Can I do better? Absolutely!

I'm not saying that he isn't good, I know he's a good person. It's just, like most situations, the timing is not quite right and I need to stop trying to make it work.

Gettin' hooked back up!

I'm returning from the Dark Ages tomorrow and finally getting my cable and internet hooked up! I have gone two weeks and two days without it. Whew! For all media addicted chicks like me, that is a lifetime! Thank goodness we live in a time where there is free wi-fi everywhere (too bad I can't pick up on of those free signals from my apartment!).

I was going to try and go without cable for awhile, so for the past two weeks I have been using one of those converter boxes and rabbit ears. Let's just say, it sucks. The picture is a little better, I will admit that, but it doesn't come in very consistently. It will go out right at the most annoying moments. Like when the younger version of Lily on Gossip Girl is trying to decide if she wants to get tangled up in a fight between her new crush or follow her sister! That is just unacceptable.

Sooo, tomorrow I'm getting plugged back in! I am doing without one little luxury though (well, not so little) and that is DVR. Now, it's not that I can't afford it, I absolutely can. It's just with all the major networks showing most episodes online or the existence of websites like hulu it just seems pointless to have it anymore! Now, I know I will miss features like being able to pause, rewind or fast forward but I think I will live.

What do you guys think? I'm sure most of you have cable, but do you have DVR too? What do you spend more time doing, watching tv or time on the internet?

Monday, May 11, 2009

Birthday dilemma...

Ok, I know ya'll are probably sooo sick of this subject but I need more help.

The boy's birthday is Wednesday. Do I get him something?

Keep in mind we have had several talks about us being in a "relationship" and have acknowledged that, yes we are, but he wants to continue to go slow. I haven't talked to him since Saturday night, which isn't too unusual, but kind of is? Can't really explain why. We seem to go through spurts where we'll talk a lot, then a couple of days we don't talk at all.

What do I do? What would you do?

Sunday, May 10, 2009

How to say goodbye?

Recently Jess over at Classy in Philadelphia posted this quote.

"If he's stupid enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him go."

This line really got me thinking about my own situation. It's not that he's walking away. He's not at all, he's keeping me interested (ironically) with all these mixed signals. Why am I still interested you ask? I guess I'm a glutton for punishment! Who flippin' knows. For some reason I can't just say "sayonara!"

What I think I'm going to do for now is lay low and leave him alone. I don't want to play games with him but it looks like I'm going to have to or give up for good.

I would really like to start dating this other guy that I know likes me because he told a mutual friend of ours that he did, but I think that mutual friend may have told him about my current "relationship" status. ((sigh))
This new guy and I were texting a few weeks ago, only a couple times but both times I was the one that sent the first text and I haven't heard from him since. Which is what makes me think she said something to him.

I know there are a lot of fish in the sea, so why can't I find a fish for right now? Someone to keep my mind off this weird situation that I have gotten myself tangled up in!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Update, bullet style...

♥ Things with the boy are still exactly the same. Very high highs, and medium level lows. I wouldn't call them low lows just yet. I guess the main issue that's bothering me, is the fact that he doesn't seem to want to label us as anything or put a title on what we are. We've had the discussion before as to what we regard each other, and he said he regards me as his girlfriend and that all his friends know about me (I've met a handful of them) he's just scared. I know he's not messing around with other girls, I believe him when he says it's not me and that it's him. He has a lot of issues to work out personally. We went for a couple of drinks for Cinco de Mayo and it was fun, we had a good time but right now I'm feeling like this is something that will never be longterm. Ultimately, I know what I need to do. That is, to decide if I want to stick around and be patient.

♥ Apartment is gooooood! I'm still slowly putting things away. I already miss having a free washer and dryer just down the stairs. I'm at my parents house doing laundry as we speak I type. I can deal though! :)

♥ I'm a little worried about Libby, but I think she'll be fine. She's been eating a little more than normal but I think that is just out of boredom.

♥ I've been thinking of going to a chiropractor. I've been really achy lately and my health insurance pays for 20 visits a year. Might as well take advantage, right? Have any of you been? Did you like it?

♥ Currently reading The Man of My Dreams by Curtis Sittenfeld. I'm not liking it near as much as American Wife, but it took me a little while to get into that one too. Hopefully it gets better. Next on the list is Prep, I have already checked it out from the library and am excited to start it, I have heard such wonderful things about it.

♥ Am a little irritated that on all my days off, IT RAINS! The likelihood of it raining on my days off are good, as it has been raining here 99.9% of the time. But, still... annoying!!

♥ I'm a little burnt out on work right now. The thought of having to wait until September for vacation is killing me! I need one now!

♥ Not excited that the Steve Madden store in my mall is closing, but super excited that all women's shoes are on sale for $25. Sweeeeet!!!

♥ Still living in the dark ages at home without internet and cable and.... I'm still alive! Ha! I've been having a hard time nailing down a time when they can come out and get it hooked up. Plus, I need to go buy a router for my internet connections. Any tips? Suggestions?

That's all folks!

Monday, May 4, 2009

On the roooad agaaain, la la la la, on the road agaaaain!

Well, I'm all moved in and pretty much unpacked! I promised to post pictures, so here they are! :)

Here are the "before" pictures of my room, in my old roommate's house.

My childsize (and overflowing) closet!

Looking into my room.

Looking out into the hallway from my room.

The living room of my new little one bedroom apartment. I slept there on the floor! Haha! :)

Until Libby claimed it as her own...

My cute little kitchen!

Unpacking and putting things away as I go...

The dining room, the table's still with the movers!

My bedroom!

My favorite pictures...

Ahhh, everything's moved. Nap time!!!

Libby loves to sit on the table!

My pink tool kit that I use ALL THE TIME! Love handing a guy a pink hammer when he asks me if I have one... LOL!

I adore having a fireplace!

Looking into the kitchen and down the hall.

Unpacking my bedroom!

Look at that mess!!

All done! Here are the "after" pictures! Most everything is unpacked and put away. I'm enjoying living alone again! I had lived in this apartment complex before so I knew I would love it and it looks almost identical to the unit I had last year. It's not the most extravagant place ever, but it's just perfect for me and Libby! :)

There's still a few more things I need, like a bedskirt for my bed! Ha! My old one ripped. There's also a few things left to unpack. I just haven't built up enough energy to finish it up! I also don't have cable or internet yet. For tv, I have had to use one of those converter boxes and rabbit ears... fun, fun! Not having cable is not going to work out for me...
I hope you all enjoyed seeing my move! I really wish I had taken pictures of the carloads I brought over, each time the car was so packed! It was hilarious! Four trips later and it was all moved over, well minus the furniture! :)

Hope everyone is having a great week!

So frustrated....

Ok, I haven't blogged much about this but dammit I need advice! So, here goes.

I met this guy back in February. A mutual friend introduced us via Facebook and we have been talking ever since. We text all the time and sometimes talk on the phone, but it's more text as we both do not enjoy sitting on the phone. Our schedules are really difficult as they conflict, but we try to see each other as much as possible and now that I live in my own place again I think it might be a lot easier for us.

He had a really rough year last year. Him and his girlfriend of two years broke up and he got a DUI at the beginning of the summer. He's currently without a license and it really, really bothers him. It doesn't bother me, I know he's getting his license back and he just made a mistake. Honestly, I deserve a DUI a right now and know that I have just gotten lucky. Nonetheless, it bothers him that he can't drive me around or easily meet me somewhere because he's at the mercy of someone else.

This past weekend we had a GREAT weekend. I felt like we made tons of progress, we talked about our "relationship" and what we were. We even talked about changing our statuses on Facebook -- seems a little silly, huh? I guess that's the world we live in now...

I had known he was scared to get in another relationship and just scared in general, but after the weekend I thought maybe he was past the point where he was too scared to move forward. I might have been wrong. Stupid me had to go open my big mouth last night and ask him how he felt about everything we talked about.

Here's how our conversation went last night (it's all through text). Please don't judge me, I turn into a sarcastic bitch when I'm upset.

Me: Are you ok with everything we talked about last night?
bf: Honesty, it still makes me really nervous
Me: I thought so, just trust me
bf:Honestly, I'm still hurt from my last breakup amber

Ok, I'm cutting in here. He has NEVER mentioned not being over her. I know he didn't say he wasn't but he hasn't said one peep about her or the relationship besides it's over. Except for Saturday night when he said he was nervous because his last breakup was bad and they weren't friends anymore and he didn't want that to happen with us.

Me: I'm sorry, if you don't want to be with me I understand

I don't know why I said that, seriously, I sound pathetic.

bf: I didn't say that, I'm just not sure I'm ready
Me: This contradicts everything you have said to me in the past couple of days. I don't understand why you say things like wanting to meet my parents if you're not sure
bf: Because at times I do. I do like you Amber
Me: I'm trying to be patient but I feel like I can't keep up with how you're feeling
bf: So what are you saying?
Me: Just that I am trying to understand, I want to be with you but not if you're not over someone else
bf: You know I want to tell you I am but I don't even know sometimes
Me: Ok, I'm going to bed, I'll talk to you later
bf: That's it?
Me: I hope not. I hope you're not mad
bf: I'm not acting mad at all. I'm just making it as clear as possible for you Amber
Me: Really? Thanks (insert his name here)
bf: Is that sarcasm?
Me: Yes
bf: Thanks
Me: I'm sorry but you're not being clear, you say all these things and then the next day it's like you take it all back
bf: You know what, things seem a lot simpler when I've been out. I'm sorry. What else do you want me to say?
Me: I'm sorry I brought any of this up. I like you too and don't understand why we're making this so complicated.
bf: I don't know either. I'll just see you around


Me: What are you saying? Is that what you really want?
bf: No, but I'm just not giving you what you want
Me: But not seeing you anymore is not at all what I want
bf: Well outside of that I don't know what I can give you
Me: So, what does that mean? Do you still want to date and see where it goes?
bf: Just take it slow still. I'm sorry. It's just I have so much shit
Me: Ok
bf: What are you expecting from me right now Amber?

Ok, I hate when people use my name like that. It feels attacking. Condescending. He's never done that.

Me: I don't know anymore. I'm confused and need to think.
bf: k
Me: Do you expect anything from me?
bf: I don't expect anything from anyone anymore
Me: I'm glad I've impressed you, that hurts
bf: Wow
Me: I'm sorry, I know I'm being a sarcastic bitch right now
bf: No you aren't but you just don't understand
Me: I'm trying
bf: You can't promise me things and I can't either
Me: I know

No, I don't know. I lied. Honestly, I wanted to stop talking. I actually wanted to stop a long time ago but he kept me going.

bf: Ok

This is where I went to bed, but then 30 minutes later he texts again.

bf: Honestly, what are you expecting?
Me: I guess an effort because there's no denying we have feelings for each other and I'm not willing to throw that away. Just an effort to keep doing what we're doing and see where it goes.
bf: Yeah
Me: : Okay
bf: k
bf: anything else?
Me What do you mean?

I was getting really tired and was out of it...

bf: Anything you need to get out there?
Me: Not right now, honestly I'm scared to.
bf: Why?
Me: Because I don't want to get hurt or hurt you
bf:Yeah I know

And that was it folks. I know, right now you're probably thinking "Wtf, why is she even bothering. He clearly doesn't want a relationship with her!"
I guess there's just a lot more to it, that I can't explain.
Any advice is appreciated...